Today started out as any day would. The sun is shinning beautifully. That always starts the day off right. I arrive at work to the usual set of tasks awaiting my attention. I start to tackle one thing at a time and as the day goes along I see mistakes that I've made. My teenagers are around being typical teenagers, wanting help with their needs, while office needs are screaming for my attention. A bad economy and financial pressures bend me towards work while my heart wants to be at home cleaning and spending time with the kids. As these thoughts all compete for my attention the inventory of all things needed to be done or neglected start to take shape in my head. Pressure, pressure, pressure. I want MY Mom! I want to be able to drive to western Kentucky and pull into their driveway and just unburden my heart to two people that I know would listen and care. I feel alone and overwhelmed. There is a big weight on my shoulders that seemed to appear from nowhere. I was okay earlier. Where did all of this come from.
Tonight I went to mass. I didn't really want to go. My heart wasn't in it, but I went and prayed to be a better person. One who didn't sit and feel sorry for herself, one who truly appreciated the sacrifice of this season. I sat there in that pew and thought, I don't even get this. I am so far from where I need to be, how did this happen? And then, it occurred to me that they were taking Jesus away today. Perhaps on some innate level, I started feeling the weight of this world today and did so by thinking of handling it on MY OWN. How alone and hopeless things seem on our own power. Perhaps I was given a lesson, a gift, a reminder......Thanks be to God.
No comments:
Post a Comment